


I know it hurts, it’s hard to breathe sometimes

by yourstrulytay



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode: s03e15 Coda, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23864203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourstrulytay/pseuds/yourstrulytay
Summary: Set during and after Eddie Begins.In which Eddie takes his own advice.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 191





	I know it hurts, it’s hard to breathe sometimes

**Author's Note:**

> So idk about y'all but Eddie Begins killed me in ALL the ways. I meant to write this right after the episode but... life happened.  
> Song title from Carry You by Ruelle and Fleurie (also the only song I listened to while writing this so...)  
> Hope y'all enjoy!

It’s not as if Buck’s never known fear before. He’s known it when Chimney had a piece of rebar through his skull, when Maddie was taken by Doug, when he could find Chris during the tsunami, and most recently, when Maddie was taken hostage with the rest of the call centre. Hell, he’s been in the hospital more times than he can count for his own near-death experiences. So yeah, Buck knows fear; he knows it well. It visits him often, more often than he would care for.

But nothing compares to this, watching the drill fall over and the well cave in. All he can think is _Eddie_.

_Eddie’s in there. Eddie’s trapped. No. God, no. Not again_.

All he can do it scream Eddie’s name, clawing at the earth as he does so. He feels hands on his shoulders, pulling him away, and all he wants to do is fight against them. Rain is pelting down around him and the ground beneath him is cold and hard and wet.

_Eddie_.

“ _Eddie!_ ”

Bobby falls back with Buck on top of him and Buck just stares at the spot where the hole used to be, and he just screams.

* * *

Buck is numb. It feels as if he’s underwater and can barely hear anything. It’s all muffled. His vision is blurry and he’s unsure if that’s due to his tears or the rain, but it doesn’t really matter.

Eddie’s gone. He’s gone and Buck isn’t sure what he’s going to do.

There’s so much he hasn’t told Eddie.

He loves him, has for a very long time, but with everything that’s happened recently, it was never the right time to tell him.

_Now he’ll never know_.

God, if only Buck had known how little time he had left, he would have said something, _anything_.

He’s so caught up in his thoughts and misery that he barely catches an all too familiar voice say, “I’m a little cold.”

_Eddie_.

Eddie looks horrible, like death warmed over, but he’s still the best thing that Buck has ever seen. He’s _alive_. Alive enough to make jokes, too. He stumbles forward and falls to the ground, causing everyone around him to snap into action. Buck runs forward, falling onto his knees as well, ducking under Eddie’s arm to help him to his feet. As he helps him up, he has to take a look at his face.

_Eddie_. _God. Eddie._

Laughter bubbles up in Buck’s chest as he looks at the man beside him.

_He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive._

It repeats in his head like a mantra, and he slowly begins to feel again.

* * *

It’s been a few days since Eddie was discharged from the hospital when Buck hears a knock at his door. He isn’t expecting anyone, and it’s still quite early in the morning, so the knock startles and worries him. The worry ceases once he pulls the door open and sees Eddie on the other side.

“Uh- hi? I didn’t know you were coming over.”

The other man smiles slightly, but there’s something off about his expression, “Yeah, sorry, I probably should have called before I came over. Is this a bad time?”

Buck raises his eyebrow at the odd tinge of nervousness he can hear in Eddie’s voice, but he steps further back into his apartment in order to let the other man in. “No, I was just going to start making some breakfast. Want any?”

He starts to walk towards his kitchen when a hand stops him. He turns around and almost loses his breath.

Eddie’s face is very close to his own, and he’s biting his lip, looking for all the world a man on a mission.

“Uh? Eddie?”

Eddie’s shoulders drop and he takes a couple steps backward, giving Buck a little more space to breathe. He opens his mouth, only for it to snap closed a moment later. He gives his head a shake, takes a deep breath, and starts to speak. “I need you to hear me out and not say anything, just for a bit. Please?”

Buck nods his head and gestures for Eddie to continue. The other man begins to pace, and Buck’s worry comes back full force. He opens his mouth to ask Eddie what’s wrong, but the sharp glare he gets for his troubles causes him to rethink that decision.

“A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with Chim about how life is never promised. I told him that he should tell Maddie how he feels about her because tomorrow is not guaranteed. He- well, he not-so-gently reminded me of this conversation the other day, told me to take my own advice.”

Something like hope begins to well up in Buck’s chest, right next to where his heart is.

“I almost died, Buck.”

Buck flinches at the reminder, and Eddie takes a step closer to him.

“I almost died, and the thing that kept be going was the reminder that I had a family to come back to. Christopher has always been my good luck charm. He’s always been the one thing that I will fight my goddamn hardest to come home to, no matter what. But, Buck, when I was under that water, I realized something else.” He pauses, taking other deep breath, looking down at the ground, “I realized that you’re my family too.”

“Eddie, of course I am.”

“No, Buck, just listen to me, please.”

Buck shuts his mouth, _again_ , and tilts his head, waiting for Eddie to continue. By now, the two men have moved closer together, and Eddie reaches out and grabs Buck’s hands with his own.

“Buck, you are not my family just because you are my best friend. Though that remains true, you’re my family because I am in love with you.”

“Eddie-”

“I’ve been trying to tell you for weeks, and just- I can’t _not_ tell you anymore. You’re one of the best things that has ever happened to me.”

Buck tries to speak again, but Eddie just keeps on going, “Eddie.”

“This doesn’t have to change anything, obviously, if you don’t feel the same, but-”

“ _Eddie!_ ” Buck places his hands on either side of Eddie’s face, forcing the other man to meet his eyes, “Would you shut up?”

Before he has a chance to be offended by the statement, Buck covers the other man’s lips with his own. The kiss is soft, and he keeps it chaste so that he can respond to Eddie’s declaration.

“If you would let me speak, I would like to say something back?”

Eddie’s eyes are wide; way too wide, if anyone were to ask Buck, and he nods.

“Eddie, I love you too. I’m _in love_ with you too.”

Later, they’ll sit down with Chris and make sure he’s okay with them being together.

Later, they’ll tell Bobby and the rest of the team, and sign whatever HR papers they’ll have to sign.

Later, they’ll begin to plan the rest of their lives together.

But for now, the smile on Eddie’s face is all Buck ever wants to look at for the rest of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Come scream with me on my Tumblr about all the things: yourstrulytaaay (I'm gonna try to learn how to actually link things but until then lmao)  
> Also my Buddie playlist should (again, not sure how to link things but hopefully I did it right?????) be in my bio lmao, if not lmk and I shall TRY to fix it lmao


End file.
